We need to get past our black-or-white thinking. We all learn some version of right and wrong when we are growing up. The problem is many of us get stuck there and never move beyond this type of thinking. I’m not saying there aren’t right and wrong. It’s important to be able to do some critical thinking about things – even ourselves at times, but if you just land on a set of strict rules and apply it in any and every situation, you’re missing the point. First of all, you will consistently be presented with people and situations that challenge your set of rules. That’s one problem. The bigger problem is that you’ll judge yourself and everyone else based on those rules. You’ll spend your life trying to make sure you stay on the “right side of the law,” and condemn people who don’t. Inevitably, that will be you at times.

The black-or-white thinking, when applied to ourselves, says there is one right way to do things and if you are doing things right, you’re okay. If not, you’re not. Group black-or-white thinking says, “our way is right and everybody else is wrong.” It even tries to say who goes to hell and who doesn’t. That’s pretty presumptuous I think. It’s about self-protection: “as long as I can just believe the right things, do the right things, stay on the right side of the arguments, then I’m okay,” or “myself and people like me will be judged worthy.” But worthiness itself is a dualistic, black-or-white concept: you are either worthy or you are not. At a certain point, that is not helpful.

Allow me to offer a way through: go ahead and judge all the things you do right and wrong, and then realize you are accepted anyway. Grace offers another way – everything is not black or white. Believe it or not, we already offer this type of grace to one another. There are people you love who do things “wrong” or hurt you and you forgive and accept them still. This confounds our black-or-white thinking. We must find a new way to be.

Maybe we would do better to not spend so much time thinking about what we ourselves and others are doing wrong, who’s in and who’s out, who’s worthy and who’s not, and just practice loving. Loving ourselves and others means if you do not agree with someone else or you believe they are wrong, you go ahead and accept them anyway. Why don’t you start with yourself? You need that type of love, don’t you? If you can practice it with yourself, you can practice it with others.