And just when you feel like you have reached the blackest, sickest darkness, that is the time to lean in even further. When God feels out of reach, your only move is to become still, keep your ear to the ground and wait. The waiting itself will change you. And the answers are somewhere there in the dark and stillness.
When we are so caught up handling sin, peddling forgiveness, and getting people into heaven, we forget that Jesus was also a great non-dual teacher. His teaching was revelatory, revolutionary and bewildering. Sometimes we think his teaching was merely a secondary part of his life, like “while I’m here to save everybody from their sins, I might as well say some stuff.” I don’t think we have to determine if one was more important than the other. What Jesus was teaching was very much in line with who he was and what he did – die to self, turn the other cheek, the lucky ones are the poor and meek. What he said and his life and death were a cohesive package.
I think what I want to communicate with pointing out that grace is everywhere is that what God is doing in the world here and now is just as important as yours and everybody else’s “salvation transaction.” If “getting people saved” is the only thing that is necessary, we can have this attitude of all but giving up on this world because it’s so crazy and tragic. The thinking is, “make sure you are going to heaven and try to bring as many people with you as you can.” And, “live a good life, but it’s really more about the next life.” Maybe, but sometimes that thinking doesn’t help people live as better humans in the here and now.
We must practice this inner contemplative work to connect more deeply with our reality. Especially now, there is a strong tendency for us to focus on and get involved with things external to us: policy, politics, the current crises, and the others around us – some friend, some foe. If we are to engage with others and our environment in an effective way, however, we must work toward becoming non-violent, peaceful and powerful within ourselves, which will happen when we are able examine and resolve our own internal conflicts. I’m not saying I’ve got it figured out. I’m saying I hope we can be on this journey together. We all always have this inner work to do, and the degree to which we engage in it will be the degree to which we will be able to be part of solutions.
If we are going to be effective in these times of cultural and societal upheaval, we must do our inner work. I am not really interested in hearing what you or I have to say about any issue external to us if we have not done work resolving conflicts within ourselves. And I’m not just talking about being able to hash through an issue logically and decide what you believe about it. I’m talking about being able to hold tension and complexity within yourself and realize you don’t have all the answers. No one does. It’s not about having the answers right now. Change will emerge. It already is. If we will look inside ourselves, we can become part of it in a constructive way.
One more thing this pandemic and the resultant changes in our lives have achieved is to help us loosen our grip on many things we have held tightly. Many are shaken at the fragility of our existence and how quickly our lives can change. Many of our modern conveniences have been taken from us or have been significantly restricted. We cannot gather together or freely walk into a store. We are being forced to practice surrender in that we cannot just compulsively attain comfort and convenience – the things we believe make our lives so great.
I’m not sure when the phrase “economy of grace” first came into my consciousness[1], but it’s a helpful way of looking at things. The economy of grace is different than the one we are used to – our “economy of merit” – the “reward/punishment, tit-for-tat, pro rata, get what you deserve economy.” Well, actually…you don’t get what you deserve. The sun shines on the righteous and the unrighteous. Grace is this generous way of life which can and should invade all our thoughts, transactions, ways of being and seeing. It is right here in front of us all the time anyway.
Ever wonder why we self-sabotage – why we continually return to our bad behavior or have so much trouble doing what we know is right? On the surface, it seems like there is no reason to purposefully do wrong when we know what is right, yet we continue in our self-destruction. This is apparent in our addictions: we are continually drawn to our “vices” which appear to have little redeeming value and obvious negative consequences: smoking, drinking, overeating, drugs, sexual deviance. Sure, there is a chemical basis for these behaviors that makes them sensually rewarding, but it seems like a lot of times, the attraction is more than that. It seems like we return to these sorts of behaviors simply because we are drawn to “being bad.” And it’s not just true with addiction. All of us, with no good reason, continue to do bad things, seeking them out despite known negative consequences. We can all but destroy our lives to satisfy our attraction to our darkest impulses. It’s as common as going to the bathroom.