The whole point is intimacy. When we are doing all of this work turning inward, it is just to know what’s really inside ourselves. The benefit of knowing what is really in there is that you will be able to share your authentic self with someone else – what you really think and feel and are. So all this plumbing the depths is not just navel-gazing narcissism. It takes some time, patience and finely-tuned attention to really find and draw out the nuances of what is in there. And you will find something important if you do it.

The whole point of any creative enterprise is also intimacy. We spend hours and days and lifetimes trying to bring out and about what is inside us. There is this natural and undeniable impulse to put what we discover inside ourselves out into the world. And even though your particular creative medium has been “mastered” by others, that does not stop you from trying your hand at it and expressing it in your own little versions. Think of how many songs there are in the world. Much of it is treading over familiar territory, but music-making continues to evolve. And even though it seems there are only so many ways to put paint on a canvas, painters continue to paint, and try to uncover something that feels closer to what they have inside them. That is to say nothing of the countless other media out there, and the evolution of artistic media itself.

It takes a long time to really hone in on what is inside you, but what do you know – you will create something that has never been created before. It will just be your spin on something that has been done before, but just different enough that it is yours and no one else’s. That is how you are different than someone else.

The creative energy wants out and wants to be known. You want to let it out and make something beautiful. But it is also just for you. You might create a hundred rough drafts or sketches no one ever sees that are just “studies” of your subject – beautiful in their own way, but just the means to an end. You are just sketching and working things out on your way to a finished piece. If you end up sharing any of it with someone else, great. It is also okay to just hold some of what you discover in reserve and reveal it when it is just the right time. Or never at all. The creative work is just about knowing self. Really, it is just about knowing.

There is something about the knowing that is very satisfying – being able to dig around and unearth what is really inside you. You feel more solid and have a sense of well-won clarity after having done so, like you are becoming something and you are just a bit closer now. It is just for you, and it is how you will know what to give another person in relationship.

Also, when you are practiced at this self-examination – when you know yourself well – you have the ability to really know another person. What is in them is not wholly different than what is in you. You know how the parts work, and you can better understand how they are working together inside another person. Just keep in mind people might surprise you with what is inside them. They are, just like you, trying to know and understand themselves in an intimate, exacting way and share it. That is a vulnerable thing to do. So you should tune in and listen ever so carefully. There is a lot of harm done assuming you know what is happening inside another person and not listening well.