February 2019

Why We Can’t Change: Moving From Our Heads To Our Hearts

February 23, 2019

We all know the right answers. The irony is we just can’t make ourselves believe them. We know what we should do. We just can’t make ourselves do it. We know we shouldn’t overeat, yet we do. We know we should exercise, but we don’t. We know we should feel better about ourselves and have more confidence, but we go on in our self-loathing. We know our fears are irrational, yet we go on heeding them. No matter how hard we try, we cannot change ourselves just by “knowing the right answers:” replacing one set of cognitive beliefs with another. Even when presented with the undeniable truth (to which we logically assent!), it doesn’t change the way we feel. Our experience is different. If we could only take what we know “in our heads” and translate it to what we feel “in our hearts,” we could have real transformation. Read More

Goodness Vs. God

February 11, 2019

I talk to a lot of people who are kind of turned off from God. I get it – there are about a thousand reasons not to believe in God and/or not to believe he is good. Things like his “followers” are really bad representatives sometimes. Or religion is sort of stuffy and seems like a bunch of life-sucking rules and rituals. Or because bad things happen. Take your pick – the holocaust, losing your spouse or child, or any of the other various atrocities a human soul can suffer. How can we believe God is good when he allows such suffering? Not to mention many of us have found great beauty and meaning in our lives outside religion or faith. Read More

Toward Wholeness, Not Happiness

February 6, 2019

You might have heard: I’ve stopped trying to be happy. Rather than orienting my life toward reaching some island of happiness I’m not sure exists out there, I think I’ll try to foster something different in my life. I think the best word to describe it is wholeness. Happiness for most of us is based on the prospect of having our “ideal life.” It is a place to which we must travel – a place “out there.” Like I said, I’m not even sure it exists. If it does, it appears and then vanishes out from under you. And it’s conditional on your circumstances – it’s the old “I will be happy if I can just…[fill in the blank].” Wholeness is not conditional or fleeting. It is available in the present – all the time – whether you have your ideal life or not. It doesn’t depend on your circumstances. Healing, grace and hope are available no matter what. And once those things are growing inside you, no one can take them from you. Read More