I’ve had some things on my mind for a while, so I thought I better write them down. I’ve come to believe prayer is just learning to be open. It is not about saying anything or changing anything. It’s about learning to open yourself and practice intimacy. I’ve spent a lot of time exploring my inner world and realize now that it was all so I could learn to let God in. And if you do that, you will soon learn to let others in. The whole goal then is to provide space (“hospitality”) inside for everything you are going to experience in your life.

I have not always been good at letting things in. I have endeavored to avoid the things I didn’t like, or rather the things that created discomfort in me when I encountered them. So I effectively closed myself off from half of the things in life because I wasn’t sure I could handle them. In fact, I very much believed I couldn’t handle them, and  I refused to handle them. But there is this abiding hope that has come to me through my grief, and it encourages me to believe there isn’t anything that can’t be handled. I’ve talked to many, many people – a large number of whom have suffered fates worse than mine and lived to tell about it. In fact, they’ve soared in the bleakest of circumstances and held intact a great sense of hope that they would make it through. Getting to know people this way has given me some faith in humanity and our ability to get through what seem like impossible situations and come out the other side changed.

I believe God is everywhere and in everything. God is the universe, so as you open yourself to God, you will find that you must open yourself to other things, too – even those things you are sure do not contain one trace of God. Those “evil” things we are constantly trying to protect ourselves from are the things we will eventually become open to. Think about it: you spend your whole life avoiding death and then soon, you will become open to it. You will have to. On that day, you will experience real surrender.

All other suffering short of death is also something we must learn to encounter and move through. Some might say the only thing we are ever doing is learning to navigate trauma. Part of the problem is that we do not really accept this as our reality. We believe the traumas should not be happening. We believe they are only “bad” or “evil.” God sets the example by allowing himself to be injured, teaching and modeling non-violence, practicing forgiveness and putting up with what seems different from him. Maybe that’s because whatever is heaven is really made from all things – those things we view as good and bad.

I tend to believe if there is heaven, it is not found through some escape route from this awful existence, but that it is being created through and with all the things which are happening and we experience now. That is probably not a popular opinion because a lot of people are certain it can’t get much worse and it can’t get much better and we are nearly at the end. But I can’t give up on this hope I am holding. What if we’re not at the end? Then the best thing we can be doing is creating a new heaven and a new earth here and now. The Kingdom is now. I see glimpses of it everyday when I sit and listen to people navigating traumas and finding something worthwhile as they walk through them. These people, like me, just can’t give up hope that there’s something out there worth fighting for.