As I outline some foundational spiritual practices, I think it is important to note that I tend to approach the spiritual life from an utilitarian perspective. Rather than attaching myself to specific prescribed rituals from specific traditions, I try to abstract the meaning and essence from some common spiritual practices and reduce them down to their most translatable forms. I believe spiritual practices should be repeatable and customizable to many different lifestyles – not prescribed, rigid or ritualistic. To me, a successful teacher conveys “the idea” and allows the student to find ways to apply it in various settings. Therefore, the ideas and concepts to which I continually return are general practices which are hopefully adaptable to diverse lifestyles and traditions, even to people of different faiths or who do not subscribe to a particular faith at all.
The first essential spiritual practice I will outline is what I will call receptivity. Receptivity is a relational concept: it is openness to something or someone. It is beneficial to practice openness to God, but this practice is also translatable to our relationships with other people. In fact, I believe we cannot truly become open and receptive to God without also becoming open to others, and vice-versa. Some may argue you can trust God without trusting other people, but I believe learning to trust God and people happen at the same time. As we learn to trust, the whole universe becomes a seemingly safer place. This is not the same as being boundary-less or not caring for ourselves, however. Those are actually forms of self-hatred.
Henri Nouwen calls this spiritual practice of letting others in “hospitality” and writes about the move we make in the spiritual life “from hostility to hospitality.” We remain hostile to others and God until we at least start to get to know our deeper selves and practice self-compassion, which happens at the same time we allow ourselves to be known by others and experience compassion from them. Without this openness, we remain closed systems. How can love or compassion be transmitted to us and change us from within, without us opening ourselves? We must open ourselves to the truth that we belong here in the universe. If it is true we belong, then it is safe for us to practice this trust/receptivity/openness.
One of the main problems we have with practicing this sort of hospitality (letting others in) is the trouble we have with exploring our deeper selves. We do not to go there for various reasons. We may not know where to start. Or we may be uncomfortable addressing things we have buried for a matter of years for some reason. Or we may have already discovered something deep within ourselves we despise. We believe if others truly knew us, they would find us unlovable as we have. Or maybe we have trusted and been so unloved by others, we cannot bring ourselves to risk again. All these are valid reasons to remain hostile or reluctant to letting others in, but if we stay in that place, we will not be in true relationship and our spiritual growth will be limited.
There is a reason these spiritual moves are called practices. We will not move in one fell swoop from being closed off to open. Maybe it is just best to find the smallest way we can practice increased openness with another, sharing something we haven’t shared before or disclosing one small thing we have hidden within ourselves. We tend to fill our lives with countless diversions and tactics that prevent us from this sort of openness. We keep ourselves busy talking, doing and even overthinking to avoid facing the truth within ourselves. A good start to becoming receptive would also just be listening to others, rather than talking, doing or thinking. This is one way you can truly receive another. Then you can listen to God, too, without talking, doing or thinking.