Tag: change

Why We Can’t Change: Moving From Our Heads To Our Hearts

February 23, 2019

We all know the right answers. The irony is we just can’t make ourselves believe them. We know what we should do. We just can’t make ourselves do it. We know we shouldn’t overeat, yet we do. We know we should exercise, but we don’t. We know we should feel better about ourselves and have more confidence, but we go on in our self-loathing. We know our fears are irrational, yet we go on heeding them. No matter how hard we try, we cannot change ourselves just by “knowing the right answers:” replacing one set of cognitive beliefs with another. Even when presented with the undeniable truth (to which we logically assent!), it doesn’t change the way we feel. Our experience is different. If we could only take what we know “in our heads” and translate it to what we feel “in our hearts,” we could have real transformation. Read More

Toward Wholeness, Not Happiness

February 6, 2019

You might have heard: I’ve stopped trying to be happy. Rather than orienting my life toward reaching some island of happiness I’m not sure exists out there, I think I’ll try to foster something different in my life. I think the best word to describe it is wholeness. Happiness for most of us is based on the prospect of having our “ideal life.” It is a place to which we must travel – a place “out there.” Like I said, I’m not even sure it exists. If it does, it appears and then vanishes out from under you. And it’s conditional on your circumstances – it’s the old “I will be happy if I can just…[fill in the blank].” Wholeness is not conditional or fleeting. It is available in the present – all the time – whether you have your ideal life or not. It doesn’t depend on your circumstances. Healing, grace and hope are available no matter what. And once those things are growing inside you, no one can take them from you. Read More

Peace On Earth

December 20, 2018

. . . As I see it, the human task is threefold. First, the human spirit must connect to the Eternal by turning toward God’s immanence and ineffability with yearning. Second, each person must explore the inner reality of his or her humanity, facing unmet potential and catastrophic failure with unmitigated honesty and grace. Finally, each one of us must face the unlovable neighbor, the enemy outside of our embrace, and the shadow skulking in the recesses of our own hearts. Only then can we declare God’s perplexing and unlikely peace on earth. . . . Read More

From Compulsion To Choice

August 29, 2018

There are many things that compel us. I would say we are driven from within by our unconscious fears, desires and needs more often than we actually make conscious choices. That is a scary thought – it means we are not actually choosing from our deep and thoughtful selves. We are just slaves to the forces ping-ponging around within us which are trying to ensure our safety, comfort and self-preservation. You are driven to work and do because you want to make sure you earn rank, esteem and reward. You are driven to eat and drink because you want to make sure you are comfortable. You are driven to speak or not speak to avoid loneliness, ridicule or rejection. Or you may be driven by the need to adhere to your moral code or other people’s expectations. Read More

Flex Your Resilience Muscle

April 21, 2018

There are two kinds of people in the world: people who display resilience and people who do not. The thing is you can be one or the other at any given moment. The difference between someone who is resilient and someone who is not is that one displays resilience and the other does not. 🙂 Faced with a challenge, the resilient one pushes herself across the threshold into the unknown. It’s like jumping out of an airplane. Either you launch yourself out or you don’t. Read More

Continual Rebirths

April 18, 2018

Life done well is the continual process of reinventing yourself. Sometimes this happens in a sad way – as in a mid-life crisis: finding a new wife, a new life and maybe a new car. Sometimes people just take on a new outward appearance. Your outward appearance can be a reflection of an internal process, but recreating yourself is more than just changing how you look. It is undergoing real and thorough transformation. Some people age, but do not really grow. They stay rigidly attached to “the way they have always done things.” They don’t adapt. They just stay put. Read More

Transformation through Self-Denial (Avoiding Compulsions)

February 20, 2018

There is this space where you can hold yourself and experience transformation. You and everyone else have anxieties which drive your behavior, especially compulsive behavior. Your compulsive working, eating, talking and fidgeting are all moves to stop the feeling of anxiety or neutralize it. We believe that feeling anxiety is “bad.” If you feel any anxiety at all, it should be comforted or go away. What if you tried to avoid doing any compulsive behavior at all? Don’t look at your phone, don’t fill the silence with words, don’t think about “what you should be doing right now.” That is uncomfortable space to occupy, but there is freedom there. That space is where transformation can take place because you are not just fighting to get rid of anxiety. You are allowing it to change you. Read More

Growth through Connection

October 26, 2017

The only real way to grow is through connection. Sometimes we think we need to pressure, prod, or push growth by telling people what to do or making a plan to which they must adhere. The only real growth in the natural world around us, though, is through cells connecting with one another. There is no real laid out plan for how plants should grow (except maybe their DNA – the plans are encoded within), and there is not someone there demanding they straighten themselves up and reach out further toward the sun. The cells just come together and through some magical interaction, plants grow. Read More