At each moment, we are making a decision to either be in relationship or not. This could be called “turning toward” or “turning away”. Even if we make a decision to be in solitude, we can do so with deeper connection in mind, or to avoid connection and truly be alone. Furthermore, even if we choose to be near others, this does not necessarily mean we do so with deeper connection in mind. Sometimes, we choose to be with others in a way that breeds loneliness. In that case, maybe we are just using others to avoid real intimacy which could be better achieved in solitude.

This is to say that the whole introvert/extrovert dichotomy is probably overdone (especially in our culture recently). We all need our fair share of separateness and togetherness. We need solitude (separateness from others) to achieve deeper connection with ourselves and others and we need togetherness even while we think that we are “independent”. These “temperaments” are really just two sides of the same coin. Maybe our “introversion” and “extroversion” are also just different modes of alleviating our anxiety. Some of us use others to achieve a sense of security. Others of us need to avoid others in order to achieve the same. But in truth, none of us can really achieve true security and peace outside of real connection with Another.