One more spiritual practice with which to reckon is the practice of surrender. This may be the most far-reaching and sophisticated part of the spiritual life. It appears there are a million ways we can practice surrender. We can probably be practicing it at all times in all circumstances. Surrender is allowing ourselves to be subject to and even overwhelmed at times by what is happening to us, without wrestling to assert our will on others and our environment. We may think of surrender as “letting go,” letting our guard down, being receptive or just no longer believing in and relying on our own power. It also may be the most difficult of the spiritual exercises. It goes against our normal, natural instincts to stand up for ourselves, fight for our own rights and win.
Interestingly enough, there are two opposing situations which present us with opportunity for surrender: our greatest griefs and our greatest joys or pleasures.
When tragedy strikes and there is nothing you can do to avoid it, rationalize it away or postpone it, it is impossible to do anything but surrender. It is not even a choice. I have experienced grief so powerful, I felt like it would kill me. It was like being pummeled over and over with waves of sorrow that felt like they would crush me. It brings you to your knees. Not a fun experience, but this sort of grief is what taught me to surrender more than anything before or since.
Similarly, trauma can be a gateway to surrender. The immobility or shock characteristic of the trauma response is a form of surrender. When you are helpless and/or subject to some horrific or life-threatening thing, you must enter surrender. It’s actually the thing that helps you survive in those instances. This sort of surrender which comes about as a result of our greatest pains also brings about a degree of tenderness and receptivity we may not have experienced before. This is its value to our spirituality.
We must also practice surrender when something unexplainably beautiful happens. Normally we exist in this blasé reward/punishment paradigm that says that somehow we deserve the good things that happen to us, that somehow we have even created these positive things ourselves, but sometimes something so inexplicably beautiful or gracious occurs, you cannot possibly take credit for it. All you can do is to surrender to grace being poured out. I feel this way when I look at great whales in the ocean or a towering mountain range (even on TV!).
Surrender is also required in the fortuitous transaction when love and grace are transmitted to us. When someone truly loves us with all our faults (this is grace and the purest form of love), the only way we can receive it is through surrender. We might also call it trust in this instance. We must forsake our impulse to make ourselves good enough or try to deserve the love being offered. We can only be rapt in surrender and gratefulness. Here again is the sort of receptivity created by surrender.
If we are paying attention and intend to, we can practice surrender in lesser daily things. Every good thing that happens, we can practice receiving it. Sometimes we call this gratitude. And every bad thing that happens, we can practice surrendering to the pain of that as well. We may not have deserved either one (the problematic reward/punishment system deserves some attention). Surrender is accepting that what life hands you is what you get, and figuring out how to let it shape you.