If we are going to be effective in these times of cultural and societal upheaval, we must do our inner work. I am not really interested in hearing what you or I have to say about any issue external to us if we have not done work resolving conflicts within ourselves. And I’m not just talking about being able to hash through an issue logically and decide what you believe about it. I’m talking about being able to hold tension and complexity within yourself and realize you don’t have all the answers. No one does. It’s not about having the answers right now. Change will emerge. It already is. If we will look inside ourselves, we can become part of it in a constructive way.

We need people who are willing to understand what is in a human – our hatred and self-focused impulses and desires. The same things that are happening in “those other folks” are happening in you: anger and hatred, a lust for comfort, control and power, and these constant moves to defend ourselves and establish safety and ego positioning. You cannot push the hate outside of you and say only others are hateful. You are hateful, too.

If you don’t believe you have capacity for contempt, just pay attention to how you treat yourself when you do something shameful, or treat someone else when they do something shameful, or how you think about someone who has the opposite ideology as you, or how you treat your kids or your dog when you have had a long day, or, maybe most difficult of all, when someone attacks you personally. Until you are having some success becoming more peaceful in those circumstances, you will not be much help getting everyone else to solutions. If you can understand and reckon with the contempt inside you, you will have more ability to speak to another person in a way that will penetrate and affect their heart.

I will write a few more posts about how we develop this contemplative inner stance and start dealing with the conflicts within, but let me first lay out the purposes of engaging in such practices. If we can admit and deal with the hatred and violence within us, we will have some way to encounter those different than us and be able to move the conversation forward. Right now, talks are grinding to a halt because we are so focused on changing things external to us – other people, policy, “the system.” We cannot change any of those things without changing ourselves. (I guess we can change policy, but the problems will continue without inner transformation of people).

We also need to be able to hold tensions within. There are no easy answers. Change will be dependent on us being able to hold in ourselves apparently contradictory ideas and complex issues and be present as we work toward solutions. This is not a very popular approach to solving problems. We’d much rather talk about who is right and who is wrong.

We need to shut up and be in silence. This is the only way to develop a non-violent approach to change and move toward some solutions together. Not everyone will take part in this work, but those who do will move things forward. I’m not saying anyone has or hasn’t done this work. I don’t know who has and who hasn’t. The only thing I can say is that you and I haven’t done it enough. You can tell by the way we act. The job will always be the same – to do this inner work so we can be loving, non-violent and helpful to others.  We must all take responsibility.