Loving death
With all of its requisite pains,
Has come
To each of us in its own way
Each secret strand is strange to the others
Though they flow from the same spring
Silent and dark, barren and daring
You always feel
It is your fault:
“What did I do to deserve this?
“There must have been something.”
When we are so caught up handling sin, peddling forgiveness, and getting people into heaven, we forget that Jesus was also a great non-dual teacher. His teaching was revelatory, revolutionary and bewildering. Sometimes we think his teaching was merely a secondary part of his life, like “while I’m here to save everybody from their sins, I might as well say some stuff.” I don’t think we have to determine if one was more important than the other. What Jesus was teaching was very much in line with who he was and what he did – die to self, turn the other cheek, the lucky ones are the poor and meek. What he said and his life and death were a cohesive package.
Part of the problem with this transactional view of the gospel – that Jesus just came to offer forgiveness of sins and get you into heaven where everything is perfect – is that it doesn’t help us deal with the darkness we are still presently in. You get forgiven and punch your ticket, but you still do and think bad stuff and the world is still full of brokenness and tragedy.
I think what I want to communicate with pointing out that grace is everywhere is that what God is doing in the world here and now is just as important as yours and everybody else’s “salvation transaction.” If “getting people saved” is the only thing that is necessary, we can have this attitude of all but giving up on this world because it’s so crazy and tragic. The thinking is, “make sure you are going to heaven and try to bring as many people with you as you can.” And, “live a good life, but it’s really more about the next life.” Maybe, but sometimes that thinking doesn’t help people live as better humans in the here and now.
When I said I was deeply Christian, I wasn’t just saying that. Grace is the number one reason. Most of my life, I have been captivated by the phenomenon of grace in the Christian story. Maybe it’s because I was a guilty child, but maybe it’s because grace is a revolution in thinking for all of us. Maybe we are just built to be big containers for grace. When you drink from that well, a big reservoir opens up inside you and grace is the only thing.
Every once in a while, I am employed to help someone “deconstruct their faith.” I consider it a high honor since it helps me fulfill one of my life commitments – to “undo things.” It is #3 on my list I like to call “My Life Plan.” The text in My Life Plan reads this way: “Undo things – like Jesus, defy expectations and convention.” This is also one of the reasons I find myself floating away from what we call Christianity, but then also finding profound truth in the person and teaching of Jesus – he was sort of liberated from anything that resembled religion. He himself was floating away from his own religion (!!!). He was also deconstructing (maybe even destroying) the conventional understanding of faith, but also, at the same time, fulfilling the essential and best parts of it.
It is difficult to understand people sometimes. Some people rub you the wrong way, but if you sit in the same space with anyone long enough seeking only to understand them, it will be hard to continue holding them in contempt. Of course, it depends on your stance. If you really want to hold them down in contempt, you will find reasons. It’s an orientation of your heart to attempt to understand and love someone you would have otherwise written off and walled off.
We must practice this inner contemplative work to connect more deeply with our reality. Especially now, there is a strong tendency for us to focus on and get involved with things external to us: policy, politics, the current crises, and the others around us – some friend, some foe. If we are to engage with others and our environment in an effective way, however, we must work toward becoming non-violent, peaceful and powerful within ourselves, which will happen when we are able examine and resolve our own internal conflicts. I’m not saying I’ve got it figured out. I’m saying I hope we can be on this journey together. We all always have this inner work to do, and the degree to which we engage in it will be the degree to which we will be able to be part of solutions.