And just when you feel like you have reached the blackest, sickest darkness, that is the time to lean in even further. When God feels out of reach, your only move is to become still, keep your ear to the ground and wait. The waiting itself will change you. And the answers are somewhere there in the dark and stillness.
You can meditate if you believe in God or if you don’t. Either way, meditation/contemplation is a hopeful practice. We meditate because we believe there is something “out there,” or “in here” (inside us), or “way down at the bottom of everything.” You are attempting to connect with that thing. If you practice meditation on a regular basis, you will find something. For some of us, it helps to imagine that the universe has consciousness and personality. We might call that God. You might also call it good Goodness, Meaning, Existence. Or you might not call it anything.
Part of the problem with this transactional view of the gospel – that Jesus just came to offer forgiveness of sins and get you into heaven where everything is perfect – is that it doesn’t help us deal with the darkness we are still presently in. You get forgiven and punch your ticket, but you still do and think bad stuff and the world is still full of brokenness and tragedy.
I think what I want to communicate with pointing out that grace is everywhere is that what God is doing in the world here and now is just as important as yours and everybody else’s “salvation transaction.” If “getting people saved” is the only thing that is necessary, we can have this attitude of all but giving up on this world because it’s so crazy and tragic. The thinking is, “make sure you are going to heaven and try to bring as many people with you as you can.” And, “live a good life, but it’s really more about the next life.” Maybe, but sometimes that thinking doesn’t help people live as better humans in the here and now.
When I said I was deeply Christian, I wasn’t just saying that. Grace is the number one reason. Most of my life, I have been captivated by the phenomenon of grace in the Christian story. Maybe it’s because I was a guilty child, but maybe it’s because grace is a revolution in thinking for all of us. Maybe we are just built to be big containers for grace. When you drink from that well, a big reservoir opens up inside you and grace is the only thing.
We must practice this inner contemplative work to connect more deeply with our reality. Especially now, there is a strong tendency for us to focus on and get involved with things external to us: policy, politics, the current crises, and the others around us – some friend, some foe. If we are to engage with others and our environment in an effective way, however, we must work toward becoming non-violent, peaceful and powerful within ourselves, which will happen when we are able examine and resolve our own internal conflicts. I’m not saying I’ve got it figured out. I’m saying I hope we can be on this journey together. We all always have this inner work to do, and the degree to which we engage in it will be the degree to which we will be able to be part of solutions.
If we are going to be effective in these times of cultural and societal upheaval, we must do our inner work. I am not really interested in hearing what you or I have to say about any issue external to us if we have not done work resolving conflicts within ourselves. And I’m not just talking about being able to hash through an issue logically and decide what you believe about it. I’m talking about being able to hold tension and complexity within yourself and realize you don’t have all the answers. No one does. It’s not about having the answers right now. Change will emerge. It already is. If we will look inside ourselves, we can become part of it in a constructive way.
I’m not sure when the phrase “economy of grace” first came into my consciousness[1], but it’s a helpful way of looking at things. The economy of grace is different than the one we are used to – our “economy of merit” – the “reward/punishment, tit-for-tat, pro rata, get what you deserve economy.” Well, actually…you don’t get what you deserve. The sun shines on the righteous and the unrighteous. Grace is this generous way of life which can and should invade all our thoughts, transactions, ways of being and seeing. It is right here in front of us all the time anyway.