attachment

Practicing Presence: Internal Models

January 18, 2023

Meditation helps us access and internalize the good in the universe, letting it expand within us and become a resource we carry around all the time. The way we first learn to do this internalizing of any kind of presence is through our relationships with others. The people around us when we are growing up help us form some initial internal framework of what people and reality are like. We learn others are harsh and scary or that there is great good in the world – maybe both. We then carry around these internal representations and they “help” us interpret all the other things we experience. They also help us form “rules” or “models” we unknowingly consult while interacting with the world. This all happens most of the time underneath our conscious awareness, so these internal models are having an effect all the time without us knowing it. Read More

The Difficulty of Intimacy

December 31, 2015

To truly be in relationship is a difficult thing. Our greatest desire is to be connected and intimate with someone and so, consequently, our greatest fear is that will not happen. This fear plays out in the many ways we throw up defenses that prevent intimacy from occurring. Why do we do that? Because we are afraid of rejection, abandonment, not getting the relationship we desire. Even when we have what seems like opportunity for intimacy, we protect ourselves from it to avoid risk. The risk is requisite to trust. Even in what we would call close relationships with trusted people, we activate defenses which prevent us from connecting. Read More

To and Fro (In Relationships)

December 2, 2014

At each moment, we are making a decision to either be in relationship or not. This could be called “turning toward” or “turning away”. Even if we make a decision to be in solitude, we can do so with deeper connection in mind, or to avoid connection and truly be alone. Furthermore, even if we choose to be near others, this does not necessarily mean we do so with deeper connection in mind. Sometimes, we choose to be with others in a way that breeds loneliness. In that case, maybe we are just using others to avoid real intimacy which could be better achieved in solitude. Read More

The Move

June 20, 2013

To be human is to be broken and wanting. This keeps us in a perpetual state of needing and seeking. We get hungry, we seek food. We get lonely, we seek connection. We feel empty, we seek fulfillment. We are all addicted to something, and the deficits we experience daily cause us to be seeking our drug: attention, esteem, comfort. Read More

Finding Security

May 30, 2013

Some anxiety is natural in this realm. When we are away from the One who sustains us, of course there is going to be some anxiety. And when we feel anxious, we immediately begin to seek security in various ways. We seek to have enough money, be esteemed by others, have all of our tasks completed, make sure our loved ones are healthy and safe. Read More

Back to the Beginning – The Presence

November 17, 2012

The Presence is available to you all the time – to come in and quiet your fears. The problem is we are convinced that we have to do something special – be somewhere special, say something special, “do the right thing” – in order to get it. The thing about the Gift is that it is just that – a Gift. This is also the beauty of the Gospel: as soon as you want it, you can have it. It might take some practicing of the Presence, but what is more important and life-giving than that? Read More

Never Fear

August 25, 2012

Notice what God doesn’t say. He doesn’t say, “there is nothing to be afraid of.” Rather, he says “Do not be afraid.” It seems implied that there are things which will cause us fear. Jesus even asserts that, “In this world, you will have trouble.” But then he also says, “Take heart! I have overcome the world.” Read More

Attachment

August 4, 2012

What is called human attachment is really a profound idea. It’s the idea that from day one, we are all seeking connection with others, specifically “higher minds” in order to organize ourselves, feel sure of ourselves and secure.

If you think about it, nearly everything could be seen as attachment behavior. Everything is an attempt to secure our place, know we are safe, feel valued. I just remember thinking as a kid: “If someone could just notice me enough, then I would feel right.” We are built for this sort of seeking out of attention and comfort. And for me, this flows right to spirituality: the only way any of us will feel truly secure is if we find that deeper Force which caused the universe to quicken into existence. Read More