Transformative Repentance

Living in a perpetual state of repentance is the way to change. We are always in brokenness and there is nothing that keeps our hearts tender like saying we’re sorry, turning around and repenting for the things we have done. It is true you make mistakes every day. Why would you not want to live in repentance? The alternative is to not pay attention to the things you are doing wrong or to rationalize and try to convince yourself and others that the things you have done are not that bad. When you put it that way, it seems like there is only one option.

Alcoholics Anonymous teaches us to constantly live in repentance: “once an addict, always an addict.” Can any of us say we are not addicted? Even if you would, do you not make the same mistakes over and over? I do, and need grace and forgiveness endlessly. I am a proponent of knowing love and grace through my own self-hatred. Do not try and convince me I am not so bad. I know I am bad, and the quicker I acknowledge that and live in repentance, the quicker I receive grace. That’s the only way I know how to be in relationship since I am so steeped in brokenness. My sin is always before me.

It is helpful to think of repentance as the entrance into reconciliation or repair of relationship. It is not helpful to rely on the old, tired right-or-wrong thinking. Trying to make a judgment about whether you have done right or wrong according to some static set of rules is not helpful. It is better to look at whether what you have done has had an effect on your relationships. Any time there is a break in a relationship, it is good to repair/reconcile – that is, any time someone has something against you or you against them, not any time you have done something “wrong.”

Right and wrong are slippery. It is easier to tell when there is a break in relationship. In those cases, even if you have not done anything technically wrong, it is good to seek reconciliation and own anything you can to work toward reconnection. It is our pride that keeps us from saying we’re sorry and that leads us to try to get off the hook on technicalities. It is a waste of time to try to determine who did right and wrong when the goal is to repair a relationship with someone you love.

When you live in the humble state of repentance, your heart is soft enough to receive grace, and the act of seeking grace actually produces change. Grace is the only thing that can create change – not criticism, condemnation or even good advice. When you receive grace, you desire to do better because you have been loved and accepted despite your folly.