I’ve been thinking a little about “legacy” lately, since I am in my 30s and all. And my mom just turned 60 and we are having another little child who is a girl. She is a wonderful gift, but one of the things about having all girls is that your “name” doesn’t get carried on through your own family. I mean there are other little Ybarras which grow up to be big Ybarras and the name will live on, but not from my immediate family.
My friend and mentor has told me this many times: somebody told him once that when you are depressed, you want to die. And you obviously don’t need to die, but something in you needs to die.
That is brilliant. I think I go through this almost weekly depression and many times, I have no idea what is going on, but sometimes I feel like God is trying to kill something in me. More often than not, it has been when I have grown hardhearted, or I am trying to hold onto something that has needed to go for a long time.
There is this diagnostic category in the DSM (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual: the tool by which mental health professionals diagnose) which contains the personality disorders. What defines personality disorders is that the people who have them have basically organized themselves toward the world in a certain way. They interact with many different people in many different situations in a “maladaptive” way. You could say their personalities have “crystallized” in this way because of many different factors, including their experiences. The term “personality disorders” is used because personalities do not change much over the lifespan, except by some traumatic event.
It is interesting that we spend our children’s lives wishing health and happiness for them. Raising children is basically trying to teach them what to avoid and hoping they don’t mess up when they are a teenager or adult. Then we loose them on the world, watching to see if they will “succeed” or not.