I’ve been thinking a little about “legacy” lately, since I am in my 30s and all. And my mom just turned 60 and we are having another little child who is a girl. She is a wonderful gift, but one of the things about having all girls is that your “name” doesn’t get carried on through your own family. I mean there are other little Ybarras which grow up to be big Ybarras and the name will live on, but not from my immediate family. Read More

Something Needs to Die

My friend and mentor has told me this many times: somebody told him once that when you are depressed, you want to die. And you obviously don’t need to die, but something in you needs to die.

That is brilliant. I think I go through this almost weekly depression and many times, I have no idea what is going on, but sometimes I feel like God is trying to kill something in me. More often than not, it has been when I have grown hardhearted, or I am trying to hold onto something that has needed to go for a long time. Read More

So Much Sin to Forgive

When spending time with broken people (we all are), it is important to remember that it is a blessed art – to witness their lives is to witness God moving in a real way. It is these people who God says are broken so that he may display his work in them. When you are with them, you are a fortunate watcher of God’s grace being poured into a life, and you may even be the vessel. These people have a certain humility and secret knowledge of the secret of the universe – that the ones who are actually blessed are the ones who are poor in spirit and mourning. It must also be true that God holds a special place for those who have sinned much. There is a strange little song by David Thomas Broughton which goes like this: “God loves a murderer, because there’s so much sin to forgive.” I believe that. God’s grace and love are necessary and his redemptive power is displayed when we are so broken. When those things are received by one who is so far away, it is the most beautiful thing. It is the walking away from grace that creates the great need and great potential for such lovely restoration.

Getting Stuck

There is this diagnostic category in the DSM (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual: the tool by which mental health professionals diagnose) which contains the personality disorders. What defines personality disorders is that the people who have them have basically organized themselves toward the world in a certain way. They interact with many different people in many different situations in a “maladaptive” way. You could say their personalities have “crystallized” in this way because of many different factors, including their experiences. The term “personality disorders” is used because personalities do not change much over the lifespan, except by some traumatic event. Read More

Growing Up

It is interesting that we spend our children’s lives wishing health and happiness for them. Raising children is basically trying to teach them what to avoid and hoping they don’t mess up when they are a teenager or adult. Then we loose them on the world, watching to see if they will “succeed” or not. Read More